Over My Head
by Weaving a Tangled Web
Summary: Post - Last Sacrifice.  After one last heart-shattering conversation with the one who captured his heart, Adrian leaves Court.  Devastated and full of anguish, he retreats to a location that he considers his safe haven.  Oneshot!


_Tada! I finished the Adrian oneshot I was promising everyone!_

_**DEDICATED TO ROZADIMKA!** I was going to dedicate it before, but I didn't know whether she wanted me to, or not. xD_

_If you love Adrian, you'll definitely want to read this oneshot. I'm actually exceedingly proud of it._

_If you hate Adrian, I'm pretty sure you'll gain some kind of sympathy for him after this._

_If you haven't already, read my story "Saving You." It's about the what I thought would happen after the Last Sacrifice!_

**_DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN VA. THE SONG THAT ROSE/ADRIAN SANG BELONGS TO LIBBA BRAY, FROM THE GEMMA DOYLE TRILOGY. _**_I had to use it, I'm sorry. It was so bittersweet._

_Enjoy!_

_-Melanie_

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><p><strong>Oneshot: <strong>**Over My Head**

The breeze fluttered through my artfully, messy hair. It felt like a soothing, cool hand brushing against my cheeks. As I closed my green eyes, I imagined _her_. Her hand on my cheek with her thumb brushing across my cheekbone, and the other hand wrapped in my tangled brown hair. Her warm body pressed against mine, and her lips merging together with mine, sending electric feelings of all sorts through my body.

Suddenly, something slapped me in the face. As quickly as I fell into my daydream, I fell out of it. My hand automatically reached up to brush off the massive leaf that just ruined my daydream. The leaf was becoming crushed as I gripped it fixedly. Soon, my grip relinquished and the crushed leaf in my palm fell onto the ground, blowing away with the wind.

Reality was a harsh person and seemingly, my opponent. I knew I couldn't win against it. The truth is that nobody could overcome reality, no matter how much we long to. Reality full out mocked me, laughing at my anguish as I stood there, stilly.

My left hand held the bearings of my fight with a tree. The tree won, leaving a victory mark. The bruise was purple, with a tinge of green. The bloody scrapes on my knuckles made me wince, as I lightly brushed my fingers against them. Feeling lucky, I shut my eyes and a surge of spirit ran through me like honey through my veins. When I reopened my eyes, the bruise and the scrapes had disintegrated.

I needed a feeding. It had been three days since I had my fill of blood. Three days since my heart was shattered into a million, red pieces. Three days since I confronted the one girl who managed to capture of my heart and demolish it in the matter of one act. An act of cheating on me. From the first time I met her, I always knew she was confused on her feelings of love, but I knew she would had limits and morals. You can guess my shock when she was sucking face with a man, while dating me.

At my right foot were bottles of alcohol and a couple packs of cigarettes. The cigarettes had not been touched once. I hadn't found the impulse to smoke them, but I basically lived on alcohol for the past three days. It made me feel lighter. It made me feel like I wasn't completely worthless. Almost like I was loved. Almost.

I knew I wasn't loved. That was the most difficult part to process. My dad was a complete ass who didn't care about his child. The whole Moroi court thought I was either a Royal playboy, or a drunken idiot. I obviously wasn't enough for _her_. I couldn't even say or think her name. That would shred the last bit of composure I had, as well as reopen the wounds. I had thought her name once, and it felt like I was drenched in gasoline, and then lit on fire.

Why was she so different from the others? I had gone through so many girls, each falling deeply for my charm and wit. When I broke their hearts, I never felt any remorse. I bet this is karma for hurting so many people. Karma's a bitch.

I stood thoughtfully by the edge of the cliffside. I bent over to stretch for another bottle of alcohol. Eagerly, I welcomed the alcohol down my throat, almost like a man dying of dehydration. Funny thing was that I was, indeed, dehydrated. Alcohol does that to you. Despite the cooling sensation of the liquid, my throat ached for a warm, pulsing blood to satisfy my body`s cravings. A burger wouldn`t hurt either.

The waves crashed against the lower edge of the cliff. My body rocked a bit from the alcohol. I felt an idiotic smile appear on my face. My thoughts were still coherent, but my body was already pleading me for salvation. Salvation would be any nutrition of sorts.

Why, oh why did she have to break me so? It hurt so much. She held my heart. Yes, my heart. The one I foolishly gave away. I'll never get it back.

"I've a love, a true, true love, who waits upon yon shore. And if my love won't be my love, then I will live no more…" I sang softly to myself. She sang that when she was alone in her room, after she thought the love of her life was irretrievable. I would stand outside her room, and debate whether I should enter or not. Whether she would accept me or not.

Whether she would love me or not.

If I could go back in time, I'd scream at myself to back away from the door before the agony became unbearable. Stupid, stupid, stupid. All. My. Fault.

The wind picked up, and naturally, I noticed it was a beautiful day. The cliff was about two hours from the Moroi Court. The sun's rays brilliantly warmed my cheeks as the wind continued tousling my hair. It reminded of the day that she pushed me over the edge after Lissa's coronation, letting spirit darkness consume me.

_Flashback_

_She looked at me, hesitantly. "I thought I wouldn't see you again."_

_"Yeah, well. I wouldn't miss my cousin's coronation." I looked away. Every time I looked at her, my ceramic heart would crack a little more. Every time she spoke, someone smashed a hammer into it._

_It was really quiet, and I decided that I needed to get out of here. I already congratulated Lissa. Mission accomplishment. Time to go, Ivashkov._

_"Eddie wants to be your guardian… you should stay." She said, softly. I knew it. She's trying to keep me here. Close enough in her life, so that I would have to watch her flaunt her perfect relationship in my face._

_I laughed, with no actual humour in it. "No thanks, Rose. Don't need a guardian. They are nothing but trouble, huh?"_

_"Please stay at Court. We can work this out. You're one of my closest friends." She pleaded. I wasn't looking into her eyes; I was concentrated on the wall behind her. One look into her alluring brown eyes and I'd find myself spiralling down into another lost cause._

_"Friend. That's all I am." I breathed in deeply. "Tell me one thing though. Did you ever love me?"_

_She faltered a bit, unsure of what to say at first. "Yes," she whispered. "I did."_

_"You _did_?" I gave another humourless laugh. "Did I do something wrong to keep you from loving me?"_

_"I couldn't love you properly. Not when my heart-"_

_I raised my hand to silence her. "Nope. I don't want to hear you go on about how Dimitri is your true love and soul mate. Basically, you didn't love me enough. You deluded yourself into thinking I could take the pain away."_

_My eyes lost focus on the wall and looked at her slender, oval face. Shit. All I wanted to do was forgive her and pretend like nothing happened. But what she did was so entirely wrong; I couldn't._

_"You delude yourself as well. You think that alcohol and smoking will just make your problems disappear!" Her face was red from anger. But as soon as the words left her lips, she clasped her hand over her mouth. Her eyes softened as she watched the more bits of the old Adrian crumble away. "Oh God. Adrian, I didn't mean it like that."_

_"You didn't mean it. Just like you didn't mean to cheat on me. Just like you didn't mean to use me as pain medication, and throw me away like yesterday's garbage. Right. The honourable, spectacular Rose Hathaway commits infidelity." I snorted. "She's not so perfect. My eyes were blinded by love. If there was no love, no one would get hurt. The world is a cruel place. I don't want to be here anymore." My senseless ramblings went on; possibly spirit-induced madness. I couldn't handle it. I needed to run._

_Tears began to roll down her cheeks, as she tried to reach for me. I flinched away. Water droplets were forming in my eyes and I began to run._

_Just as my legs picked themselves off the ground, I heard Rose say one more thing. The last blow that felt like icy daggers, all pinpointing to my heart, slicing its way through._

_"I love you, Adrian."_

_End of Flashback_

"No more," I mumbled, tears falling out of my green eyes. "I can't take it." I reached for my bottle once again, drowning myself in the sorrows of love. After I emptied the bottle, I walked closer to the edge of the cliff. This was the most peaceful place in the world, in my opinion. I used to come here all the time when I was a child. I used to come here to think; to get away from society.

I wasn't really thinking about much now. It was hard to think. My head was throbbing from all the suffering I had experienced emotionally and physically, just drinking myself to death. Death. I let out a harsh laugh to no one in particular. There was no one in these places. It was isolated. No one knew I was here.

No one except for Christian Ozera.

_Flashback_

_I knocked on Christian's door and breathed deeply. He opened the door, in a t-shirt and flannel pajama bottoms. Christian rubbed his eyes, but his arm dropped when he took in who was at his door._

_"Adrian?" He asked, incredulously. I nodded. I understood why he was so surprised. I peered around the room and concluded that Lissa was probably with them. "What the he-, where have you been, man? Are you alright? You look like shit!" Christian. Always the one to be brutally honest._

_I didn't blame him for being so shocked. Nobody had seen me for the last 26 hours._

_"I've been around," I shrugged. "I'm alright." Now that was a lie. I was as far from alright as Pluto was as far from Earth. "I'm going to a cliff two hours from here. I need some time to think. I'll be back in two days. If I'm not, come get me. I'll probably be passed out drunk or something." I said, nonchalantly._

_"Alright," Christian said, cautiously. "Does it matter who I bring?"_

_I shook my head. "Nope. Just come get me in two days. See you, cousin." I started to turn around, but I spun on my heel to face him once again._

_"Is something wrong?" Christian inquired._

_"I just want to say that if you break Lissa's heart, I will kill you."_

_Christian looked at me like I was crazy. I probably was. "I would never do that. I love her."_

_"Just letting you know. One more thing: you're a great person, Ozera. Be good." I said, quietly._

_Christian nodded, but looked puzzled from my statements. He pulled me into a man-hug. We patted each other's back awkwardly before I left. He was a good guy. He was good for my favourite cousin, Lissa._

_End of Flashback_

I'm not going to deny my fondness of Lissa. She was one of the sweetest girls, and she will be one of the greatest monarchs of Moroi history. I also wasn't going to deny that Rose was going to be the best guardian out there. Her name ripped open my chest, pulling at my little heart strings.

I stood at the edge and looked down over the cliff in amazement. The world could be so incredible, yet so callous and malevolent. The water was the colour of an amazing greeny-blue. More blue than green. Much more blue than green.

I put down my bottle. What an amazing world.

With one foot, I gracefully stepped off the side of the cliff.

The wind was now in full force, further messing up my hair. Not that it mattered. Nothing mattered. The exhilaration of the fall was extraordinary. My body was pumped with adrenaline. My cheeks felt like they were burning from colliding with the rough power of the wind.

My emerald-coloured eyes focused on the waves that were approaching ever so quickly. I smiled and closed my eyelids as I prepared myself to embrace the frigid water below. It hit me like a million chilling arrows, pulled from a bow and launched at my body. It hurt like hell, and from the height of the cliff, I was pushed far beneath the top of the water.

I opened my eyes to look up, seeing the sunlight flicker beautifully through the surface. My body finally began to realize the full impact of my impulsive actions, and I automatically began to struggle to return to the surface. It was so far, and the polar-temperature water was numbing my muscles. My arms and legs were so tired and cold. Finally, my body released the long held breath that was trapped in my lungs.

I gazed at the last bits of life I held onto floated away in the form of bubbles. Water seeped up into my nose and my mouth as my body instinctively attempted to grab onto any means of breathable oxygen. There were none. Black spots started to cloud my vision, and my head pounded from my alcohol consumption, and the loss of oxygen.

Yet, even as I sank deeper beneath the waves, I saw her. Everything that was great about her, everything that I had fallen in love with. But I knew I was far in over my head.

Right before the abyss claimed me as its own, I answered back to Rose in my mind, from the last conversation we had.

_I love you more than you could know, Rose; my Little Dhampir._

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><p><em>Now how entirely sad was that? Let me know what you think, by <strong>review<strong>ing! Reviewing makes me incredibly happy! =D_

_I want to know if I should make this a two-shot. I can't make it more, because it was meant to be like this. But I want to know if I should add another chapter, based on Rose and the rest of them, going to find Adrian? Answer by reviewing! =D_

_**_-A hopefully soon-to-be happy Melanie_ **  
><em>


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